maternity?
I work as a tutor in my university’s Writing Center. We help with every part of the writing process, from editing to brainstorming to outlining. The freshman classes have their first paper due tomorrow (a universal deadline, the same assignment for all classes), and several of the profs have been offering extra credit if their students visit us, so we’ve been pretty busy for the last few days, as you can imagine.
That by itself isn’t the point. I had a girl come in today with a paper. The assignment was to analyze an image; she chose the Axe “Bow Chicka Wah Wah” commercial and analyzed it from what I recognized as a feminist perspective. She did a great job talking about how the female was animalized, how she was portrayed as an object of desire, how teen-boy fantasies are being validated by the advertising industry, and how sex became a savage mating ritual; there was some strong analysis going on. It was a good paper.
So imagine how disappointed I was when I learned that one of her premises was that women are naturally maternal (as in, protective, caregiving, motherly, defined by a uterus) and that the Axe commercial subverts this ideal by sexualizing women. No, not oversexualizing. Just sexualizing.
Tangentially, I know I have to be careful about how I instruct writers/students (as a feminist and a tutor) on a conservative, religious campus in the Bible Belt. There’s a different stream of discourse going on, and it takes a lot of patience and, honestly, an entirely different vocabulary in order to dialogue so that we understand each other (as well as a preparation for your own failure!). So I tried to gently point her in a few directions. For one thing, I tried (and I think I succeeded) to get her to realize the double expectations for women: that in our society, we are expected to be both the maternal, caring figure and the hot, young (or young-looking), sex object (and to enjoy it). Not one or the other, but both (in a curious twist of the saint/slut dichotomy)! Anyway, I pointed that out, and a couple of other things as well that I can’t remember much of very well (I advised the use of the word “dehumanization,” as I recall) and I think the session went well. I hope something stuck and she decides to think about this a little more.
I’m concerned in general with concepts like “masculinity” and “femininity” and what activities or qualities make a “real” woman or man, and especially about these implications for and manifestations in religious culture (I speak specifically of Christianity, which has been my faith tradition, but it could apply to Islam or Judaism, I think; I’m less knowledgeable about how – or whether – gender has traditionally played a role in Buddhist, Taoist, or Hindu communities).
“Masculine” characteristics generally include leadership (e.g., domination), taking action, initiating contact (romantic especially), a propensity for adventure, determination, assertiveness, rationality, and so on.
“Feminine” characteristics typically include a caring nature, passivity, receiving contact (romantic especially), a domestic paradigm, submissiveness, a propensity for compromise (in opposition to self-assertion), strong emotionalism, and so on.
As you can imagine, these premises undergird much of our cultural and social life in the Western world (and again, I assume elsewhere). They govern romantic relationships, marriage, the conception of the family, the job market, public roles, and religious practices, among many other things.
The problem is, I believe, that they are socially constructed. There are obviously people of both sexes that do not fit the mold (in fact, I think all of us don’t, to one extent or another), but then there are people who hardly fit them at all. What are we, as exceptions, to do?
I don’t know. All of this was really to say … I don’t want kids. Maybe that will change in the future, but I have sincere doubts. I’m not a mother-type. I think I care about my friends deeply and try to take care of them, but it’s nothing more (or less, for that matter) than friendship, rather than maternal instinct. A friend of mine gave birth to her third child, a girl named Storey, this summer. A few weeks ago, she brought Storey into the grad students’ office and we took turns holding her. What I realized: I like kids, but I don’t want them.
On the other hand, there are “feminine” traits that I do embody. I love to cook, and especially to took for other people; I take great pleasure in practices of hospitality. Which, frankly, is just confusing. Thanks, God. (Or alternatively, Darwin).
Unfortunately, according to the society I live in, I have two life options: be a stay-at-home mom of four, or be a power-crazed executive bitch.
// brittany 